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I wish I could put into words all of my problems and magically make everything okay again, but I think it’s safe to say that my apathy, anger, general discontentment with life and my negative outlook can all be accounted to my parents. I think when you have kids too young, you take on a responsibility that you probably shouldn’t have to, but I don’t think that’s any excuse to behave like an irresponsible teenager, getting drunk every weekend and hiding alcohol in some attempt to pretend that you’re not a selfish cunt who’s unfit to look after children, and it’s definitely not an excuse to get addicted to prescription medication to the point where you’re lying to a doctor to get the tablets. I don’t care what your sob story is, it’s not my job to deal with it. I just want you to actually step up to the plate and do something that doesn’t make me despise you for once in your fucking miserable life.
I’m 21, I shouldn’t be running around picking up after an incompetent mother who can barely look after herself, nevermind 3 kids all under the age of 12. I know I had a rant about being overprotective of children, but that’s all in regards to trivial things. No child should have to grow up seeing their mother passed out on the couch or on the floor covered in her own piss every weekend, it’s just not on. I wouldn’t be surprised if my siblings grew up to be exactly the kind of waste of space she is. I’ve tried and failed multiple times to sympathise, so don’t think my anger and resentment is misdirected. I’ve been dealing with this shit for years, when I should be going out and getting into trouble like every other person my age. But no, I got forced to take responsibility where my mother has failed and it’s just no way to live.
This is probably as personal as the rants or blogs or whatever are going to get. I just needed to release some of this in the best way I know how. Lashing out isn’t going to solve anything and my hand hurts because I hit a wall earlier. Why do I deserve this? If reincarnation is real, then I must have been a really shitty person in a previous life to have to face this in my current life. I guess bad things just happen to, dare I suggest this, good people.
I don’t really know what else to say. I don’t really know if anyone’s going to read this. I’d like to say that I don’t care, but honestly, I’m craving a little bit of positive attention for once. I just want someone to recognise what I go through on a day-to-day basis and I want them to understand why I am the way I am. I probably should see a shrink about this or something, but I’m not going to because I’m not sure how I’d be able to deal with that.
…I just don’t know anymore. I really don’t.
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I don’t understand this whole “protect the children from ALL the things!” stance that everyone is taking these days. I can’t swear in public in case there are children going about, apparently. Why the fuck not? Because it’s a bad example, I hear you say. Yes, because as a child, I was highly influenced by the comings and goings of total strangers in the street or in a shop and it had a massive impact on my life. This was obvious sarcasm.
What has it come to when I can’t say “fuck” in a crowded street for fear that some child I don’t know will copy me? That’s NOT going to fucking happen. At all! If strangers were such an impact on children unknown to them, I’d be an alcoholic smoker, pretending like IQ matches my age. But as it happens, I rarely drink, I don’t smoke and I’m smart as fuck. So there. Have it!
I don’t get why children are this sacred thing now where we have to protect their fragile little minds from absolutely everything. Swearing, scary movies, certain types of food and life in general. As a kid, I remember watching films like Full Metal Jacket and Trainspotting. These are certificate 18 movies and I was watching them with my parents at the impressionable age of 5 or 6. I was about the age of these kids we’re trying to hard to shelter these days, but did it fuck me up? Did I go around stealing and doing smack or did I shoot myself in a bathroom with an M14? No, I didn’t. They were just cool movies that made me feel like I was a grown up watching them. I played games like Resident Evil and I let myself get scared by the game, but at the end of the day, it was just a cool game that scared me and my parents were fine with all of that. The only thing I wasn’t allowed to play for a bit was Grand Theft Auto, which my dad tested and deemed it was alright for me to play. Games, movies and swearing didn’t fuck me up. If they did, I wouldn’t be a socially awkward geek, I’d probably be in prison for killing someone because Grand Theft Auto told me to.
Speaking of games… Why is it not alright for a kid to hear profanity, but then they can go home, turn on their Xbox and play Call of Duty online? A mature rated game (certificate 18) in an environment where other kids their own age are swearing their heads off and being needlessly racist, and yet I’m the one who has to watch my language. Maybe if people would take this into consideration, they’d realise that children don’t emulate strangers. They emulate their friends. If a kid starts swearing because he thinks he’s hard and cool, then by default, his friends will follow suit to try and be cool and accepted. That’s the facts. That’s probably why profanity has been implimented into my natural speech pattern. I’m positive of this. It wasn’t a case of overhearing a 20-something in the street saying “fuck” to his mate over some topic I didn’t understand that made me think “Wow, he’s so cool. I’m going to say fuck all the time now!” If you think that is the case, you’re a fucking moron.
And while we’re on the subject. Why aren’t we allowed to smack children anymore? What’s wrong with a bit of pain to enforce good behaviour? When I was out of line as a kid, I’d get my ass smacked, or a literal slap on the wrist. Both were done in an overly theatrical manner and for the most part, it wasn’t the smacking I was afraid of, it was the lead up to it and the knowledge that my parents were genuinely disappointed in me. And I turned out FINE! So why can’t we give our kids a clip round the ear for swearing at the dinner table or something just as trivial to enforce manners and good behaviour? Because it’s apparently damaging to their wee minds. Kids aren’t as fucking fragile as we all seem to pretend. We were all their age once and we all remember doing things that are way out of order for a kid to do these days. I used to get into fights a lot, and I used to get grounded a lot. I’d be told “You’re grounded, you’re not going out.”, the front door would be locked and I’d be kept inside for the night. I had my power cable for my playstation confiscated. I got clipped around the ear. My siblings don’t get grounded because they have to be outside for air and exercise, they don’t get things taken from them because that’d be wrong and they don’t get a smack for being cheeky little shits, and as a result, they’re running fucking wild. There’s nothing they can be threatened with to keep them in line or some old biddy will call social services and say that they’re being abused. This is FUCKING BULLSHIT! And we wonder why kids are out of control these days…
I should add that all of comes at a time where the most popular music contains lyrics objectifying women, contain swearing and advocate getting drunk, partying and promiscuity. And who’s listening to it besides the demographic of people in their mid-20s whose main interests are drinking, partying and fucking? Kids, that’s who. People like Akon are becoming their role models by singing about some girl being a “sexy bitch” and wanting to make you sweat and yes, I’m aware that’s Snoop Dogg, but it’s in the same vein, so it counts. And nobody seems to have a problem with this.
Lyrics to recent popular songs that I’ve heard children singing:
“Like a G6” by ‘Far East Movement’
“Poppin’ bottles in the ice, like a blizzard,
When we drink, we do it right, getting slizzered.”
Firstly, ‘slizzered’ isn’t a word. Secondly, a girl no older than 10 is singing this in the street and nobody seems to give a flying fuck. But the moment I swear within earshot, people are ready to go 15 rounds with me to protect the child’s innocence. Fuck you.
“Sexy Bitch” by “Akon”
“I’m trying to find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful.
Damn, you’s a sexy bitch.”
Do I need to explain this one? The kid is singing the word “bitch”, widely regarded as profanity and objectifying women, as well as being blatantly disrespectful despite stating that they’re trying not to be. What kind of example is that? It’s a fucking bad one.
Stop pretending like kids are made out of porcelain and that their minds will soak up absolutely everything. You were a kid once. Exercise some fucking common sense.
I’m done.
Let’s get one thing clear.
I fucking loathe social media. Twitter, Tumblr, Flickr, Facebook… All that shit where you get a keen insight into what someone you don’t care about is doing at any given moment. I can see the appeal as an information tool. Something happens and everyone’s posting about it in seconds. And I can see it as a device for sharing things that’re worthwhile - Videos, etc. But beyond that, they’re pointless. “Ooh! Let’s all post pictures of artists we love and pictures of people we claim to despise but can’t stop obsessing about! Let’s be attention whores and post pictures of ourselves looking sullen in the latest fashion!” …Yeah, let’s not.
What bugs me most is before these sites with misspelled/stupid names, we had a perfectly good system of sharing things. Email is a dead format for anything beyond job applications and mailing lists for sites you visited once because you really liked that one article and never want back to again, and it seems like instant messager services are following suit, left as a cesspool for spammers who really want you to watch their free naked cams, but you have to supply them your credit card details first, just in case. Everyone’s taken to just sitting on tumblr, twitter or facebook and it genuinely vexes me to the point where I consider deleting every account I have and rage quitting the internet. But I can’t do that. No, sir. Seems like most organisations have been bitten by the social media bug too and now do most of their business online and update statuses regularly, and if you don’t have an account to see these posts, then tough shit.
I don’t know if this has ever been said before, and if it hasn’t, I’m coining it now… Never before have we been able to communication so freely and closely, and yet, we’re still so far apart. I find it difficult to care about what so-‘n’-so did last night or how hungover they are this morning and I care even less about what they’re planning on doing tonight. Nothing is personal anymore and nobody really talks. Everything is just empty words on a computer screen.
And do we even know all of our friends on Facebook? I had 180-something the other day and I’ve deleted more than half of them. People I’ve never met who add you because you’re a friend of a friend and you have a cool profile picture (or whatever). You’re not my friend. I don’t know you. Why do you insist on wanting to be on my friends list when we never even talk anyway? What’s that all about? Of the 90 friends I have just now, I regularly talk to maybe 5 or 6, and care about the updates of 20 at the very most. Everything else is just there to annoy me. I know for a fact that I don’t have 90 friends. I couldn’t name 90 people off of the top of my head.
I’m rambling now, so I’m going to cut this off early. I just had to get that cleared up, I guess.
